


but loving you is a loaded gun

by thegirlinthedress



Category: Sugar Pine 7 RPF
Genre: Canon Compliant (Mostly), M/M, Soulmate AU, i had this idea in the shower and felt compelled to write it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-28 18:12:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13277091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlinthedress/pseuds/thegirlinthedress
Summary: He remembered asking her, how would he know? How would he tell which person was meant for him? What if he walked right past them and never knew?“That’s what the words are for” she had said, tapping a finger onto her own tattoo. Her words were collected on her wrist. “At some point in your life, your soulmate will say those words to you, and your reply will be on their body. It might be when you first meet them, or it might be when you’ve known them years. But when they do say them, you’ll know it’s them.”When he grew older, he didn’t need his mother to read him the words anymore. Parker could trace the words inked on his skin with his own fingers as he murmured them to himself.Are you a good listener?





	but loving you is a loaded gun

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote exactly one fic last year in like july but somehow getting dragged down into sp7 has made me overcome my writers block, so have this fic i wrote instead of my university assignments
> 
> if you recognise dialogue in this fic then it's stuff i took directly from a video
> 
> this fic goes out to [pensrcool](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pensrcool/pseuds/pensrcool) because it's her tweets that pulled me down into parcib hell in the first place
> 
> not beta read so all mistakes are my own
> 
> please come yell about sp7 with me  
> twitter: ryahaywood  
> tumblr: amyjake or parcibs
> 
> (title comes from rhythm of your heart by marianas trench)

Parker can remember, before he had even learned to read, getting his mother to tell him what the words on his forearm meant. She would roll up his sleeve and read them out to him, explaining again and again about his soulmate. About the person out there walking the Earth who he was destined to end up with.

He remembered asking her, how would he know? How would he tell which person was meant for him? What if he walked right past them and never knew?

“That’s what the words are for” she had said, tapping a finger onto her own tattoo. Her words were collected on her wrist. “At some point in your life, your soulmate will say those words to you, and your reply will be on their body. It might be when you first meet them, or it might be when you’ve known them years. But when they do say them, you’ll know it’s them.”

When he grew older, he didn’t need his mother to read him the words anymore. Parker could trace the words inked on his skin with his own fingers as he murmured them to himself.

_Are you a good listener?_

It becomes a mantra that he repeats in his head. He tries to treat everyone he meets with kindness. It’s partly because his mother raised him to have good manners, but also because he has the ulterior motive of not knowing which stranger could be his soulmate.

 

* * *

 

Because the universe apparently likes to fuck with Parker, he hears the words many times throughout his life. They’re always rephrased slightly, never quite right, but they still send shivers down his spine every time.

 “He’s such a quiet child” his second-grade teacher tells his mother at the parent teacher conference. Parker is used to people talking about him like he’s not there, so it doesn’t bother him when she does it. “An excellent listener, but I worry that he isn’t speaking up enough in class. He doesn’t really play with the other kids.”

“You’re sweet, Parker” the girl he has a crush on in eleventh grade tells him, “And you’ve been a great friend and listened to my problems. But I already have a prom date. I’m sorry.”

"You’re a good listener, Parker” his first serious boyfriend tells him, “But you never tell me anything about _you_. I feel like I barely know anything about your life. I don’t think that’s really the foundation of a great relationship.”

“You know what I like about you, Parker?” Steve tells him, one night when they’re drunk at some bar in LA. This one sticks in his mind because Steve isn’t often in the habit of complimenting him. Usually he’s just mean. Parker blames it on the alcohol; Steve has had a significant head start on him in terms of drinks. “You listen. You’re _great_ at listening. The best.” Steve sloshes half his drink onto the table as he gestures at Parker with the same hand that’s been holding his drink. “No one listens to me. But you do.”

After a while, he stops being as surprised by the words. He finds out that you tend to hear that sentiment a lot when you accidentally become the world’s biggest doormat.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes Parker gets the urge to talk to someone about his soulmate. To seek reassurance that the person he’s destined to love is out there. But the closest friend he has is Steve, and Parker knows better than to bring up soulmates with Steve.

The first time the topic comes up around Steve, it’s when they’re out drinking at some dingy because they couldn’t get into their regular place. Parker doesn’t really know Steve’s friends all that well at this point, so he doesn’t contribute to the conversation much. Just sits and sips at his beer, soaking up the atmosphere

It starts when a woman passes by their table and throws a look at Cib. James makes a joke about how Cib should run after her in case he’s her soulmate. Someone else throws out a remark that they feel bad for the poor sap with one of Cib’s nonsensical statements stuck on their body forever. Parker thinks about replying that at least a unique soulmate tattoo makes your soulmate a lot easier to find, and Cib is about the most unique person he’s ever met.

Steve puts his glass down on the table and glares at them all, “You know that’s bullshit, right? It doesn’t actually mean anything. They just put those words on you because, odds are, someone is going to say it to you at some point. Doesn’t mean you have to go shack up with the first stranger who says to them to you.” In all the time he’s known Steve, Parker has never really seen him angry, so this is a new thing. He gets annoyed at Parker frequently, sure, but it’s never genuine anger.

There are several moments where no one around the table speaks. Finally, Cib opens his mouth to counter Steve, but Parker gets there first. He babbles about the weather outside (hot and dry, they live in LA) until the subject of the conversation changes. Steve gradually looks less and less like he’s going to throw his drink at someone, so Parker counts it as a win. His pathological need to keep everyone in a good mood comes in handy sometimes.

In the end, Parker keeps his words a secret from his friends, and no one ever pushes him to share them. It’s not that they’re embarrassing for Parker, he just likes keeping them to himself. It sounds cheesy and he’d never admit it out loud, but he likes having something that only he and his soulmate share. He thinks it’ll make their first meeting more special. That’s what he’s holding out for.

 

* * *

 

 

One night, during one of their boys only sleepovers, James lets slip why Steve is the way he is about soulmates. They’ve been drinking; Parker is tipsy, and the others are even worse. Cib and Steve have long since fallen asleep, Cib’s head on Steve’s shoulder where they’ve folded themselves onto one of the sofas together. In the morning, Steve will wake up and whine about Cib drooling on him, but for now they look peaceful.

It’s weird to see Cib so still, Parker thinks. One of the things Parker likes about Cib is the fact that he’s always moving, always doing something. Parker doesn’t do anything

Neither Parker nor James are paying attention the movie playing quietly on the television. The silence is comfortable. Parker sits tracing his finger along the letters on his forearm, not even thinking about the other person still awake in the room. He’s used to fading into the background, which means no one usually notices his habit of touching his tattoo.

The alcohol has clearly loosened James’s lips, or maybe he’s just been waiting to spill the secret to someone and Parker is the best candidate. “Do you think you’ll ever find them?” James asks, nodding in the direction of Parker’s arm.

Parker startles at the reminder that someone else is awake with him, and then thinks about it for a moment. “I hope so” he whispers back, “But I don’t know.”

James nods, obviously satisfied with this answer. Parker can’t recall ever hearing James mention a soulmate, or anything about the words on his body. They’re not that close, so he doesn’t feel like he can ask. Parker thinks this is going to be the end of the conversation, until James speaks again.

“Must be nice, to still have that hope” James says, and there’s something wistful in his tone. Parker isn’t sure it’s his place to ask James to elaborate, so he just shrugs. James goes on, “Me and Steve, we gave up a long time ago.”

“Steve doesn’t believe in soulmates” Parker whispers, remembering the conversation in the bar a long time before. He glances over at the other sofa, and breathes out a sigh of relief that Steve and Cib are still asleep. This isn’t a conversation he thinks they need to hear.

James lets out a soft snort, “He doesn’t _now_.”

Parker isn’t sure what that means, and he’s not sure he wants to know. It feels wrong to pry into his friend’s personal business. But James clearly doesn’t have the same worries.

“He doesn’t believe in it now” James says, the light from the TV flickering on his face, “Because who wants to believe in a system where you find your so-called soulmate and they want nothing to do with you?”

Parker stares at James and doesn’t know what to say. His eyes flicker to Steve’s sleeping form, and then back to James.

In some of his dark moments, Parker has wondered what could go wrong when he met his soulmate. He has wondered what would happen if they didn’t want him. Parker has never been anyone’s first choice in life. Steve is his closest friend, but Parker knows he’s nowhere near the top of Steve’s list. Every single person he’s been with romantically has ended up leaving him. And it’s been fine, because he knows there’s _someone_ out there waiting for him. Someone who is destined to love him. He pushes away all thoughts of what might happen if even they don’t want him.

He wants to say something in reply, but before he can there’s a noise from the other sofa of a body hitting the floor. James’ eyes flicker over there and Parker follows his gaze. Cib sits on the floor, blinking sleepily at them both. Parker moves to help him up, thinking about how young Cib looks when he’s half asleep. Steve sleeps on, oblivious to his friend shifting too far in his sleep and falling onto the floor.

 

* * *

 

As the videos get popular, suddenly Parker finds himself with a lot more to do to help Steve keep on top of everything. He’s so busy that he pushes the thought of his soulmate to the back of his mind a lot of the time. Working with his friends turns out to be a lot more enjoyable than spending evenings alone, wondering about a stranger.

Things continue like this for a while, especially after Sugar Pine 7 finds its office space and it starts to feel like they’re actually getting somewhere. Parker can see the passion Steve has for this project, and how much it means to him, and he knows he’d do anything to help Steve achieve his dream.

 The happy bubble Parker has been living in comes crashing down the night Cib brings Sami Jo to the sleepover. He takes in the sight of the two of them together, and feels the familiar butterflies in his stomach. He’s been here enough times to know that he’s developing a crush.

 (He watches the two of them feeding each other, and the way they can’t take their eyes off each other. Parker hates the way his stomach churns at this, hates the jealousy he feels.

 “No” Parker whispers, “That was supposed to be me.” It slips out involuntarily, and he thinks no one heard until he sees Steve giving him a look he can’t quite figure out the meaning of.)

 Things go from bad to worse when Steve takes it upon himself to find out about Parker’s secret crush on Cib’s girlfriend, and then to _tell Cib about it._ Parker gets it, Steve is Cib’s best friend, but he can’t help but be a little annoyed. Especially when Cib gets mad at Parker over it.

Parker hates having anyone be mad at him, but it’s especially terrible to have Cib mad at him. Cib tries to get along with anyone and everyone, so it makes Parker feel like shit to know Cib hates him. What’s worse is that he has absolutely no idea how to fix things, because he can’t exactly take back the uncontrollable jealously he feels whenever he hears about or sees Cib with Sami Jo. It’s not something he can control.

So Parker tells Steve he’s done, and he’s not coming back to the office for a while. He pulls away from all his friends and hides around his house. It’s lonely, going back to sitting alone when he’d got used to having a group of friends to see regularly, but the thought of sitting in the office is even worse to stomach.

When Sami Jo texts him to ask if she can come over, Parker feels a mixture of guilt and something else. He knows Cib doesn’t want them interacting, but he also can’t deny Sami Jo help if she needs it. There must be a reason for her to have sought him out instead of talking to Cib, or to Steve, or to literally anyone else they know.

Sami Jo wants to talk about Cib, which Parker should’ve expected. It’s not like they really have anything else in common. So he offers her a drink, and sits patiently on the sofa next to her as she spills her heart out to him.

 

* * *

 

 

“Has anyone ever told you what a good listener you are, Parker?” Sami Jo asks, once they’ve had their heart to heart and he’s offered whatever advice he can think of to help her. Mostly, he just thinks she wanted someone to tell her problems to who wouldn’t go running straight to Cib, not him in particular.

One of her hands rests on his knee as they sit side by side on his sofa. She’s smiling at him, and the combination of the words and the smile make his stomach flip. Parker smiles back, but it’s a forced smile and she can probably tell. She doesn’t mention it though, and he’s grateful.

“Once or twice” he tells her, and tugs on his sleeve to make sure the words on his arm can’t give away his secret. She said the words, but they were wrong. She’s not his soulmate. He thought this realisation would feel worse than it does. If anything, it feels like a weight off his shoulders to know they’re not predestined to be together. Parker isn’t sure that that means.

 

* * *

 

 

After Sami Jo leaves, Parker is alone with his thoughts. He can no longer ignore the ever-present swirl of anxiety in his brain. It’s getting late; the sky has gone dark and all he can see out of the window are the street lights flickering and bathing everything in their path in a yellow glow.  

Because Parker is an expert at avoiding his problems, he turns on the TV and tries to not think about anything. It doesn’t work, and he has no idea what’s even happening in the show onscreen, but at least he tried. He’s flipping through the channels aimlessly, not looking for anything in particular, when he hears the squeal of tires outside. This puts him on high alert immediately, because he’s not expecting anyone.

The front door bursts open, and Cib marches in. Parker takes a moment to think about why he never seems to lock his door properly. Then he notices the way Cib is staring at him, gaze full of anger. He looks drunk, his eyes unfocused, and more serious than Parker has ever seen him. Parker is confused, because they haven’t spoken since the conversation at the office, so he doesn’t know why Cib is here.

“What are you doing, man?” Parker asks, because there’s no reason he can think of for Cib to be here right now.

Cib marches past the sofa, ignoring him. Parker turns and follows him.

“You can’t just come in here like that” Parker tries again, “You can’t do this.”

Cib looks like he’s trying to answer, but can’t form word. Either the alcohol or the rage, or both, are impairing his ability to speak. Parker wonders if this is about Sami Jo, and tries to find the words to tell Cib that it isn’t going to be a problem anymore. He can’t really explain it, but their conversation earlier had pretty much extinguished anything he thought he’d felt for her romantically. Probably the realisation she wasn’t his soulmate, because Parker believed in soulmates as an absolute more than he probably should.

“Are you a good listener, Parker?” Cib snarls, and all the air leaves Parker’s lungs as the words sink in. Time seems to slow down as his mind races, trying to process the enormity of what’s been said to him. _Of course,_ he thinks, _of course it’s him_. His world has shifted on its axis, and suddenly he sees everything clearly. There’s a clarity to recent events that he’d been lacking until that moment.

This whole time, it hasn’t been about Sami Jo. It was _never_ about Sami Jo, or any of the other people Cib has been out with. This realisation has always been there, in the back of Parker’s mind, but he’s been in denial. It had been so much easier to pretend that the jealousy and the awkwardness had been because he liked Sami Jo. Who wouldn’t like her? She was pretty and funny and smart, and Parker could see exactly why Cib had fallen for her.

He had wondered if Cib and Sami Jo had discovered their words on each other’s’ bodies. Parker had been sure that Cib would’ve made some sort of nonsensical comment about it if he had, but then again why would Parker be the person he’d tell about that? And even if they hadn’t had each other’s words, it wasn’t exactly rare for none soulmates to date. For many people, a soulmate wasn’t your guaranteed happy ending.

Parker realises he’s been living in a deep level of denial this whole time. The jealousy churning his gut every time he sees Sami Jo and Cib together? It’s not because he wishes he was with Sami Jo. She’s been a great friend to him, but he can’t cling to her as a crush anymore. He has to accept what the universe has been trying to nudge him towards this entire time: he’s in love with Cib. He might’ve been in love with Cib ever since the day Steve introduced them.

Parker tends to fall hard and fast for people. He’s big on first impressions. He falls in love with people who are so far out of his league that he can comfortably guarantee they’ll never look at him twice. After a long period of pining from afar, he gets over them. But it takes a while, and it’s never fun. It’s a pattern he’s repeated a bunch of times. The thing that’s different about this time compared to the others is that usually he _notices_ he’s falling for someone.

If he were to go back over every interaction he’s had with Cib since they met, Parker is sure he’d die of embarrassment. All the times he’d made an idiot out of himself in his haste to be accepted by Steve’s friends, all the times he’d tried to impress them and fit in, suddenly make so much more sense. He’s been vying for Cib’s attention this whole time without even realising it. Parker wonders if anyone else noticed. Steve is clearly a no, because he’d bought the story about Parker being in love with Sami Jo, but he can’t be so sure about the others.

It’s ridiculous, because they’d never work together. They’re too different. But the universe thinks they’d get along well enough to fate them together as soulmates. Too bad, judging by the look on Cib’s face right now, the only strong feelings he has towards Parker are feelings of hatred.

“Are you?” Cib demands, and Parker snaps back to reality.

“I don’t know what that means” Parker splutters, and he’s not even lying. He has no idea what answer Cib is expecting from him. However, a tiny part of his brain does wonder if his reply is written somewhere on Cib’s body. If Cib recognises the words, he doesn’t react in any way that’s visible to Parker.

“It’s a simple question” Cib bites out, and Parker hates the coldness in Cib’s voice. It feels wrong coming from his friend. Parker hates himself for whatever he did that made Cib act like this.

“Are you drunk right now?” Parker asks as Cib crowds into his personal space, “Cib, stop!”

Before Parker can move away from Cib, his friend punches him in the side of the head. Parker is sent stumbling backwards, and Cib follows him. The idea of hitting Cib back doesn’t occur to him right away. He’s not sure it’s a fight he could win anyway, and he doesn’t like the idea of hurting Cib anyway.

“Please” Parker says, trying to stand up straight, “I didn’t do anything.” He’s been wracking his brain since Cib arrived, but he can’t think of anything he’s done to warrant having the shit beat out of him by Cib. Except the conversation he’d had with Sami Jo when Cib told him to stay away from her, but he’d got the feeling from her that she wasn’t going to be mentioning it to Cib.

Cib ignores him, and punches Parker again. This time, Parker can feel his skin grow warm as blood runs down the side of his head. His head is ringing, and he swears his vision blacks out for a second, which doesn’t seem good. Then he’s on the floor and Cib is straddling him, still swinging his fists against any part of Parker he can reach.

Even after all those lessons on fighting and self-defence from his friends, Parker can’t bring himself to fight back much when Cib punches him. Cib is the most laid-back person Parker has ever met, probably so that he perfectly complements Steve who is the most high-strung person Parker has ever met, so it’s rare to see him angry. Parker still doesn’t like the idea of hitting Cib back, so he settles for instead for trying to break free and beg Cib to stop.

He blocks a couple of blows with his hands, and then grips at Cib’s shirt. All that this really achieves is tearing the buttons open, revealing an impressive spread of chest hair. Parker would probably make an awkward comment about it if this were any other situation than Cib attacking him.

(It does occur to Parker, while he’s trying to Cib off him, that Cib only hit him after he replied to the soulmate words. So maybe Cib is angry because he’s realised it’s Parker he’s supposed to be with. Has realised the universe has stuck him with someone so far below his league it’s laughable. This thought hurts worse than any of Cib’s punches could.)

“I’m sorry” Parker says, because apologising is all he can think to do, and finally this seems to get through to Cib. The hatred is still there in his eyes, but his hands still and he sits back. There’s a lost look in his eyes, and something in Parker’s heart clenches at this. Cib should never look sad. Cib shines too bright in all their lives to ever have to be sad.

Now that Cib is no longer straddling him, Parker’s movements are much less restricted. He knows he should say something to comfort Cib, but he wants to be out of range of any more punches first. From the way the room spins in his vision, he’s pretty sure he already has a concussion. Parker crawls across the floor, trying to free himself from where his legs are tangled with Cib’s.

He reaches a hand out to grab the table, so he can pull himself up, and this turns out to be a terrible mistake. Cib lunges for him and seizes the back of Parker’s shirt. Parker thinks he’s going to drag him back to the floor, but Cib thrusts him forwards instead.

Parker realises what’s going to happen before it does. Time seems to slow again, and he can see the corner of the table right in front of him. He has no time to try and pull back or regain his balance. Parker knows how this is probably going to end.

As it turns out, those words that have haunted Parker his entire living memory are also some of the last words he ever hears. The universe really, really has it out for him. Who else but him would find out their soulmate’s identity while said soulmate is beating them within an inch of their life?

As his head connects with the table and everything fades to black, he wonders what fucked up thing he did in a past life to deserve this. And, despite everything, he thinks about Cib. Everyone is going to know the truth once they see the words on Parker’s body. They’re going to know he’s Cib’s soulmate. Maybe, Parker considers, it’s kinder to Cib if he’s dead.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i have a half finished cib centric part 2 to this that i might post if i clean it up


End file.
